


Irregular Patterns

by be_themoon



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_themoon/pseuds/be_themoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neither of them can see what's right in front of their faces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Irregular Patterns

Neither of them can see what's right in front of their faces.

Arthur gets annoyed whenever Gwen and Merlin flirt, and brusquely orders Merlin back to his chores, or does his best to ignore them and the way his heart is beating faster, angrily.

Merlin's never tells anyone what happened to his heart when Sophia kissed Arthur, because he's not sure he can explain it even to himself, the way the beat went irregular and hammered angry patterns all over his heart.

They're oblivious to all the signs, the small ways that they wish they could say but never do, because Arthur is a king and Merlin is a servant and neither of them wants to admit anything.

Sometimes, if you pretend something doesn't exist strongly enough, it actually doesn't.

Obviously, they aren't pretending strongly enough, Merlin thinks ruefully.

*

Sometimes when Merlin sees Arthur he catches his breath. Obviously, he thinks, this is a glitch, because Arthur's a prat even if he's his friend, and he's certainly not handsome enough to do that to Merlin's heart (the way it thumps irregular patterns and stamps them on his heart).

Life, he thinks dully whenever Arthur and Uther are busily coming up with ways to scare magicians out of the wood and into the fires, never advertised itself as 'fair.'

It doesn't mean he can't wish for it, though.

*

They're like a familiar dance, the steps he goes through with Arthur. Prat. Servant. Show-off. Lazy. The pattern never really varies, because if it did things would change.

Merlin wants them to, but he's not brave enough to change it by himself, and he can't tell Arthur (because after all that would be changing the pattern).

He wishes he were.

*

When Arthur meets his servant's eyes sometimes he wishes he didn't, because there's words there that can't ever be spoken, and he feels his throat do funny things that aren't normal.

Some things in the world are very certain. Merlin is his servant and below him. Magic is evil. He is the best knight in Camelot. There are more than a few things he wants to say, but that would be turning everything upside down and he's not sure he's strong enough to do that.

He wishes he were.


End file.
